Basement Biden

I can’t believe I’ve been relegated to the basement. I’m the future leader of the free world — stuck in my own basement. Meanwhile, Ted Cruz is getting his hair cut in Dallas, the senators are back to work (and they hardly ever work), Trump hit the road this week and even tauntingly said he’d provide my campaign with rapid tests so I could emerge from the basement.

It seems that the only news coverage me or my campaign is getting right now is on how the Tara Reade allegations against Biden seem credible and how my IT geeks can’t get the basics right for my virtual events.

I was hoping the Coronavirus scare would keep me in the basement through the debates. I figured it would have been a great excuse to get out of debating Trump. But, with states opening up and people going back to work, how can I refuse to debate?? They could probably just use Trump’s more competent IT staff and get a good virtual debate going. I just don’t see how I get out of it. Unless, by then, I’ve been replaced my another candidate. Who knows!?

I keep hearing that I’m a hero for sheltering in place. I’m a warrior. Well, I didn’t serve in the military because I received a diagnosis of Asthma. A good excuse now for me to stay in the basement. Asthma, my age, and the severe lack of Vitamin D now after living in the basement for so long – none of those are great during a Coronavirus outbreak.

So, I guess it’s another day of faking crossword puzzles, then putting on my blazer and tie (no pants, what’s the point)…. and hanging in the basement like the cool people are doing. Right? How long can I keep this up?

Come on, man.