Humble Trump

AN APOLOGY!

Crap. We will just play it like it doesn’t matter. He didn’t mean it.

We will keep baiting him and see if he’s really changed. Which he hasn’t. And the media won’t let him off the hook.

Ok. Another issue. Need to focus on getting as much money from foreign governments into the Foundation as possible in the next few months since Bill announced we will stop taking money from foreign governments. AFTER I’m elected.

Of course, there are plenty of ways around that statement. The foreign entities can give money to another US Charity and then the money will be given to us. We aren’t stupid. There are so many loopholes in that statement – and who cares anyway? That can’t be a conflict of interest when I’m President, can it? So, I owe a few people a few favors…..

I’m Anti-Education or Democrats Suck

Idiots. I’m not anti-education. But, apparently I can’t be pro-education.

After saying today that we need to mix it up….Give a speech on education or something new. Let’s get away from the stuff I’m losing on like Law, Order, National Security and the Economy.

The polls say one thing – I’m doing well. But, follow the money and I’m losing to The Donald.

So, I say “let’s focus on something new – let’s give a speech on Education.” Great idea. Right?

Apparently not. I can’t run on Education because I’ve tied myself to Obama. The public school system has been in decline for years. But, even worse in the Obama years. The majority of the worst 10 states for public education are Governed by Democrats. We just need to stay away from the topic. There is no proof I’m for it, or Obama is for it. Because it’s horrible. And, we did nothing to stop the decline.

Also, I can’t run on what I did as a Senator. Renaming a bridge isn’t sexy. I really also did nothing as First Lady. And, let’s not even remember my tenure as Secretary of State. Nothing positive. All those freaking trips and I have nothing?

My website is awesome on education, I mean — just full of empty promises – but looks good and sound good — but really, truly, I have nothing to back it up.

I’m wondering, besides attacking Donald for being “dangerous” — just exactly what record can I run on successfully? Little depressed right now. Maybe some vodka or chocolate would help. I do have the media on my side still. So, I’m sure it will be good.

More later.

Money and Loretta Lynch

Diamonds are a girls best friend? I prefer cash. Also, I just found that the fundraising is really sluggish. I’m not sure what is causing the sluggishness. Maybe the media needs to back off on the polls that have me leading by so much – people don’t think I need it. Maybe I have to figure out a way to get enough energy to show up at my own fundraisers….

At this point, we are spending like there is no tomorrow. And, bills and expenses are higher than planned. And now that we have to pay people to show up to my speeches, costs are only going up.

Time to reach out to my friends. There are plenty of ways to get around the campaign donation rules and laws. Just have to lie cheat and steal. More.

I just remembered a good quote I wanted to write down that reminds me of Loretta Lynch. Henry Kissinger once said “Corrupt politicians make the other ten percent look bad.” Loretta Lynch would have made a great politician. She sure acts like one impressively. Glad to have her on my side. She knows who butters her bread.

More later.

 

 

The Donald and Saudi Arabia

Haven’t had a chance to write in my diary for a couple days, I thought I forgot my password so asked one of my aides who said they were helping me by changing my password every couple days and now it is password, but with capital P — hard to keep up with all the tightened security.

Burning question in my mind: What does The Donald have against Saudi Arabia? Doesn’t he know how much money they have? They’ve given me and Bill like 30 or 35 million dollars. Can’t remember the exact number. What they do to woman in their culture, in their country – who cares? Their checks are good. So, I owe them a few favors? Again, what the public doesn’t know won’t hurt them.

So The Donald says I need to give the money back. Of course, he’s crazy. Just ask the media.

I was supposed to have an intelligence briefing today – but they legitimately bore me to tears. Not enough attention is paid on me during those briefings. All listening. The only thing I hate worse than giving free speeches is not getting paid to listen to someone talk. Talk, talk, problem here, problem there. Wonder if I can just get someone else to do the briefings?

Paul McCartney gave me the nod today. So, I’ve been endorsed by Saudi Arabia, probably the most prolific sponsor of international Islamic terrorism, and a Beatle. Not bad.

More later.

Monica Lewinsky

So Bill lies… “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Lie. He was impeached. The young voters probably don’t even know that.

I lie. Politicians lie. Bill was good at it and still got caught. I’m great at it and still get caught a lot. But since the world knows that politicians lie, I don’t think it matters.

I tell the minorities I will fight for them, the middle class I will fight for them, the poor, the black, the Muslims, the Gays — I will fight for them. They believe what they want to believe. All the lies.

Now Trump is introducing Monica to a generation of voters that may not know about the slutty girl who did disgusting things with my husband in the Oval Office and the lies to cover it up. He’s pointing to the millions of dollars I get from regimes who treat women like dogs, he’s bringing up the lies I say about Benghazi….. What he doesn’t get is the people know I lie. Every day. But they believe what they want to hear.

And they are unsophisticated and easily manipulated so I will be fine.

More later.

 

The Olympics

So I did finally figure out what a Tweet is. I asked an assistant to “show me The Donald’s latest Tweet” loudly and forcefully as if I knew what the hell I was talking about. And – they showed me his Twitter account – which was, on the surface, pretty interesting.

Then, we spent some time looking at our Twitter account, well – MY Twitter account, which I have never seen before. My aides are “Tweeting” for me. All good, and very spot on – cross promotions pretending we care about the Olympics (because we are spending a ton of cash advertising during the broadcast) “Tweeting” Congrats to all Gold medal winners and very positive stuff. Good stuff. And, great photos.

Then, I get called into a meeting for a “sit-down” again about “the rules.” Very boring stuff – a reminder that there is no more calling people retards (even if they are), no swearing (tough) because it may cause me to swear in public, and NO MORE EMAILS. Our emails are very likely to be hacked. Extremely likely. And, even if not hacked, the idiots working for me have PASSWORD as their actual password. So, it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to get into our system. (I just changed my password, too — from Hillary2016 to BILLlovesBOOBS – much more secure).

More later.

Kicking Ass and Taking Names

I love the polls. I’m kicking ass in them. All of them. My aides say that “this poll had 150 more Democrats than Republicans so it’s skewed” and “this poll has other problems” and blah blah so “Don’t get over enthusiastic on the polls…”

Freaking idiots. I’m winning big. I liked calling The Donald “chicken” for thinking he might not debate me. But, maybe I should just avoid the debates myself. If I could just hide for 88 days, I think I win.

Good day – hung out with the one percenters. Gave a very short speech and had them write big checks so it felt like a big win. Almost like getting paid to talk, as it should be.

I love rich people. They’re still idiots, but at least they smell ok.

More later.

Performance Enhancing Drugs

I don’t know how a 20 year old could keep up with my pace. I certainly know this pace is too much for me. Injections, creams, pills…. I feel like a guinea pig at times. And a puppet at other times. I’m really too tired to get a grip on everything that’s going on at all times. Drink this, eat this, say that, remember this. Smile, wave, act personable, be here, be there, avoid him, avoid her.

I want to be President. I’m playing the good part. I’m trying. I’m succeeding. It hardly shows that I’m barely hanging on by a thread. Sure, sometimes I need help up the stairs or someone to hold me up on stage… But the pace of this is tough. Sure, I take a few days off a week. I don’t talk to media or answer questions. I rarely go on news shows. It’s still a lot. I rested after my economic policy speech (which everyone loved) and I think I’ll probably take it easy the next 3-4 days.

The Donald? I don’t know how he does it. It’s like he is always going, always at rally and speeches. He’s older than me. He must have better drugs than I do.

President of the US — I’m expecting an easy job. Obama played golf like 1000 times in office. I can just rest, relax. Answer a few questions here and there. A few dinners and trips. The President is a lofty title, but really doesn’t need to do much. I won’t have a boss… I’m only planning on one term…

More later.