No one is telling me who my VP pick will be so I started Google searching my short list here in the basement to try to figure it out.
If know my team, they are probably using some cool way to make the final decision.
Let’s see what I know. Those on the list have to be women. They also need to be black, I think. Maybe African-American. Or some POC. I don’t think Liz’s 1/2000 portion of American Native is enough to count, but who knows?
Anyway, I’m sure they are deliberating. Or maybe they know who I’m picking but haven’t gotten around to telling me.
Maybe they will pick the VP based on the nickname Trump might use? That’s actually not a bad idea.
Kamala Harris – love her hair. Very sniffable. She never actually got a nickname that I know of from Trump. She might be a difficult choice for me because her first name is tricky. I can imagine Trump might just recycle some of the Beto nicknames like “Flake” or “Stone Cold Phony” but he could easily just use Crazy Kamala. Head scratcher.
Karen Bass – total commie, pretty sure she was very, very radical left until a few weeks ago and now has moved a little more to the center to try and get on my ticket. She is now just considered very radical not very, very, I think. I mean, no one knows her so the media will just spin it. When Trump pulls the “radical left” card, we will just call him “a racist” thereby stopping all debate. But, her hair isn’t quite as lovely as Kamala’s, so, probably not my first choice. Oh wait… I think Trump once called Kamala “very nasty” but who knows – from Trump, maybe it was a compliment? I’ll have to look that up later.
Susan Rice – smart cookie. Trump‘s nickname “Lyin’ Ted” for Ted Cruz might work for Susan. In fact, when you google “Susan Rice” it always comes up as “Disgraced Liar Susan Rice” – so who knows, that might actually be her legal full name – it does sounds about right. We could make some folksy jokes out of it and just normalize her predisposition to lies by saying stuff like … she lies like a dog with no legs or hey, she would piss on your leg and tell you it’s raining…. seems like fun.
Stacey Abrams – well. I think I had a whole diary entry a while back about her. Just makes me tired thinking of it. And her. And dealing with her. Super model comes to mind. I think that’s what Vanity Fair called her. Trump would probably pull out the “Lightweight” nickname like he used to use on Liz. But….That would backfire for obvious reasons. So it would be like “checkmate” from us. Ha ha. Body shaming, never a good idea. He could just use some negative “S” word like Sour Susan or Sourpuss Susan – wait, her name is Stacey. Well, whatever. I forgot what year it was yesterday on my broadcast, I can’t be expected to remember this chick’s name all the time.
Tammy Duckworth – Ducky duckworth? Is Ducky an insult?
This is just wearing me out and I still need enough energy for my next nap and the walk up the stairs…. I’ll quit now and wait for someone to give me the VP pick name when they are ready… She will be the next President so I do hope she’s good. And hope enjoys longer than normal hugs, too.
Come on, man.